In our relationships, we are driven by the desire to feel loved, understood and accepted for who we are. And nowhere else in life is fear of rejection shake us to our essence in the field of romantic love.
Fear is a factor, because loving others is not easy. We often forget that we all have different ideas about how we express and receive love. On top of that, most of us are working to clearly communicate what we need, or creatively negotiate our differences.
So to avoid all that complicated, difficult and communicate the anguish that can go with him, seeking a soulmate. Someone who we are perfectly compatible. Someone who can read our minds.
Without having to tell this sweet loving what we want, we instinctively know what it is and give it to us. This fantasy is perpetuated by romantic novels and perfume ads.
But the perfect match in a partner is not as portrayed.
The search for the perfect compatibility of a couple, just leads to frustration and despair. Since we are humans and clones, either people who meet eventually have differences of opinion.
So being in a relationship of love that lasts a lifetime is as much about finding your soulmate and more about deepening the capacity to love and ability to communicate through different views.
Indeed, how compatible the two of you, is less relevant than how well you can cope with the inconsistency.
To cultivate a prosperous relationship depends on how you speak with respect, as with an open heart to listen and how willing you to deepen your trust in yourself and your beloved.
When you get involved with someone, incrementally building the confidence that their beloved and always will respect you. But since no human being can be respectful of 100 percent of the time and most relationships do not last, how they handled the disrespect and rejection will determine the depth of intimacy that are capable of.
When you are rejected, humiliated. You lose your sense of self and sense of belonging. Humans do everything possible to avoid humiliation.
Thus, in the unit to avoid the humiliation, fear has generated dozens of deep fears that effectively limits their ability to have any lover. These same concerns may also lead to all sorts of desperate acts to keep the relationship.
If your confidence is weak, insecurity limit their tolerance and ability to deal with another human frailty. Intentional or not, big or small, every violation of trust is a hill that is willing to die. You overreact to small crimes, it is difficult (or unable) to repair the broken trust, and be unable to solve the problems completely. Instead, he holds a grudge. Or you'll develop the habit of rescuing the relationship when you take a bump.
Chain, chain of love
Part of the change of date only to have a committed monogamous relationship includes the construction of a shared dream for a very specific lifestyle. Contains items of work, parenting, playing and until his retirement. Building the dream creates a sense of ownership of the dream and the person sharing with you.
Many people try to compromise as a form of property. In a sense, they feel they sought and found love, who bought his commitment, so now the self-esteem. Therefore, it is yours to do as they please.
But love is not something you can buy, buy, sell, like a car. Love is a state of evolution unless you believe in yourself and share with others.
It is therefore impossible to guarantee that you feel the same and want the same thing next week, next year, or within 10 years. In the course of human events, the only constant is evolution.
Continue to evolve until we die. But couples hope that will not change. The eyes of the stars of the passion of his vision blurred. They do not want to recognize that sooner or later, change will happen to them. They also believe that any changes threaten their relationship.
Therefore, when there is the inevitable evolution that are not equipped to deal with it. Their egos are invested in maintaining the status quo, so they feel abandoned and betrayed.
Willing to renegotiate the lifestyle is so tied to their ego, who reject the true evolution of his partner. A common reason given to couples who want to break is different (incompatible) things that are not willing to negotiate. They prefer to lose the relationship lifestyle.
Couples will not stop loving Splitsville for others. Love never dies, but may be buried so deeply in pain and anger that seems to be nonexistent.
Voodoo you do
Part of its growth is the development of skills and resilience to thrive in any situation. One way is to honor what you are learning, instead of putting his former hexagons.
Or do you think they leave past hurts just excuses the behavior of your ex, actually let off the hook for being an idiot?
Well, consider this: every affront not let go now appear to grow in your next relationship. Both you and the kind, sweet person you love beside you will pay for the transgressions of your ex. And the cost of their resentment is steep. When you hold a grudge, you lose your future performance. The first step in the establishment of free love is to let those 50 pounds Samsonite permanently.
But it is difficult to put aside their self-righteous rage, right? The difficulty in releasing resentment cuts to the essence of what it means to be human.
Their resentment stemming from the times they were humiliated. For a human being, humiliation is the most painful experience and unforgivable you may have, because you lose the power to protect himself. You also lose their pride, their sense of belonging and even their sense of identity.
So to avoid future humiliation, logic dictates that not letting anyone get close enough to hurt you. But that's just throw out the baby with the bathwater. Self-protection goes too far when you create a global fear of intimacy. To reduce the emotional scale to the point that only allow yourself to feel some joy and some pain.
When you build your capacity to deal forcefully with the rejection, the response to a minor breach of trust will be proportional (not rescue). And discover how to tailor their responses to adapt to new situations. Soon you will repair trust, then I let go.
At the same time, you will build your confidence in your ability to choose partners wisely, build confidence steadily, and love deeply. Trust also helps to keep your perspective through the cracks. You will survive and love is always worth going to.
The Wisdom of the Heart
Every relationship you have is an opportunity to improve their skills and learn more about yourself. You can make smarter decisions when partner has made an effort to learn as much as possible of what they've done.
Let's sift through their past experiences, washing gold nuggets of wisdom. What have you learned from your romantic relationships that will serve you in the future? His teachings are divided into two basic categories: to improve their relationship skills and be seen more clearly.
Relationship skills to be developed may include how to:
• Behavior unreliable cash quickly
• Address unacceptable behavior immediately
• Establish a clear boundary with respect
• Disagree without being defensive or verbally abusive
• Design of a strong support system to keep the company is desperate
• recover from rejection with a stronger appreciation of who you are
• Use your time alone in your best interest.
His self-discovery could be that you:
• Do you trust your instincts about people
• The boundaries of enterprise value on respect and honesty
• Know the amount of energy is lost when you ignore or rationalize the behavior of other inappropriate and unacceptable
• You never allow yourself to become so desperate that you'll lower the bar to avoid loneliness
• Of course not settle for less than the relationship you want.
All this learning about the most challenging aspect of romantic relationships: The development will be increasingly vulnerable when there is a growing intimacy. However, because the fear that accompanies a deep intimacy is so strong, most people prefer to start over with someone new than risk being rejected.
So if your deepest motivation is to avoid rejection, settle for superficial relationships. But not stuck with only two choices: avoid rejection or go all-in and experience the joy of being deeply known and loved deeply.
You can develop the confidence that comes to his passion to his highest priority. Prevent rejection takes a back seat when you focus on your desire to experience the love that all you can for your life. And the relationships you have, the more you learn, the better you get in love.
I'm in love with my best friend
The unit to avoid the fear of intimacy, and rejection of change causes many couples break up because they lose respect and trust. Stop treating others as friends. It is ultimately the loss of friendship that represents the end of the relationship.
At the heart of friendship is trust and respect. You can not be intimate in a healthy relationship with someone who does not trust and respect you as a friend. Nietzsche and agree that friendship is the basis of a lasting relationship.
So when the friendship is gone, the relationship has lost its base. At that time, he faces a choice: the reconstruction of the base or foot. Many people immediately released on bail in what could be a potentially fabulous. But since he left, never know what might have been.
Instead of leaving, pause to consider the amount of time and energy invested in this relationship. Instead of giving it up because you think your partner is not enough to love, hold on. Talk to each other. Identify what is good about how they love each other and use it as a base to build a better relationship.
Start by asking each other this fundamental question: What would make this relationship even better for you? Ask lots of questions about what you want your loved one and share openly what he wants, too.
Giving up the fantasy that if your partner really loved you, you should be able to read your mind। Clearly ask for what you want and how you want to receive it.
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Monday, August 22, 2011
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